It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
