I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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