She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
