Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
