I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
