well I can't set my house on fire every night
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My balls are so social today.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
