bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
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She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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