Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
