two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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