yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
