it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
