what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
