i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
