So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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