and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
