I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
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I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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