I got chris browned last night
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
