I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
