I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
