Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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