Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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