I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
