i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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