I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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