I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
