Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What drink are we having for lunch?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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