Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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