So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
