just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My penis needs a shock collar
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
