Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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