I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
