She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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