just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Mom said you looked used
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
