never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
