nut hugger
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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