I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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