i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
