there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
