just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
