woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
