i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
