Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
