I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
