hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
