It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
