I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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