Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
