shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
