he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Brb crying the tears of my youth
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
