So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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