The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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