You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
