im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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