she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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