You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
