a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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