After last night, I could never be a politician.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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