Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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