The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
