what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
