You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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