absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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