i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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