i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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