I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
