she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
where are my eyebrows?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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