Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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