New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
