she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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