you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
