she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
