Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
