i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Small penises have feelings too.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
