this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
