this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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