I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
