Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
