And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
