i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
