He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
