On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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