you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
