Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
